Vol. 1 Issue 17
I remember the day when I opened the thick envelope from the
Idaho State Bar Association. I was sitting at the table in my apartment having
just awoken; I’d stayed out late the night before and so it was already about
noon. When the envelope was first delivered 2 or 3 days before I’d just left it
sitting there. At first I thought nothing of it, I’d often received letters
from the bar association. I do remember hoping there were some discounts or promotions
for a few local watering holes inside, but as I soon eventually found out and
so shall you, there were not. The envelope was from a very different kind of
bar and contained no promotions or specials, whatsoever.
My situation is not intended to come across as funny, and I
don’t appreciate those that have laughed when I’ve told them what has led to my
current circumstances. It may seem like the opposite of a predicament, a
reverse-tragedy even, but I assure you, this has turned into quite a serious
situation.
I’ve thought about it a lot, and although I’m not quite one
hundred percent certain, through retracing my behavior and my actions the following
seem to be the chain of events that led me to this fantastical new career. I
don’t know what part to tell first. I might as well start with my town.
Here in Twin Falls, Idaho, life isn’t exactly what most
people would call exciting but, we Twin Fallsians, we like it this way. Open
spaces, fresh air, award winning cheese, a massive Super Wal-Mart. You’d think:
s “What more could you want, right?”
As groups of upstanding citizens some of us took to celebrating
the glory of our town. We wanted to live life fully- To The Max. We wanted to
get out there and engage with each other. We wanted to find the activity that
defined Twin Falls’ passion, the glue that held the town together, and most
importantly, we needed a motivation for getting together as a group six or
seven times a week…well actually the frequency of our meetings was decided
later, anyway…
Yes we realize that we could have formed a bowling team, gone
rock-climbing, organized some cooking classes, volunteered to help out at one
of the local soup kitchens or homeless shelters, started a book club, a
knitting circle, or even a Bible study. Don’t think we didn’t realize our
options. We chose willingly. Not so much for the purity of the activity itself,
nor the wonderful intoxicating effects, but rather because we felt that one
activity was good as another. Who is to judge the benefits of doing volunteer
work over say, going to med school; training for a marathon over setting up a
non-profit organization for runners with disabilities; helping the needy over
spending every evening drinking at the bar. There is just no way to make a
clear distinction, believe me, there isn’t, so we just chose a social activity
at random. This social activity just so happened to be drinking, specifically,
drinking in bars.
Coincidentally, we all met in the bar. Every one of us was
seemed to be searching simultaneously for this perfect Twin Fallsian activity.
The activity that could help us celebrate our beloved. Only later, after many a
late night practicing our craft and discussing the situation in depth did we
realize that we all had a common goal in mind, and so our community of upstanding
citizens became official. We formed the Idaho bar association.
As the dedicated members of the bar association grew in
number and commitment, it seemed so to did our maturity. Yelling, previously our
most common pastime, was something we practiced frequently on each other and
many a TV sports match. Eventually yelling gave way, and pub trivia became
ingrained as our social centerpiece.
Yes, We know people all over Idaho drink. Drinking is hardly
an original pastime, but here in Twin Falls we like to think ourselves original
in that we drink and we’ll beat you a
trivia six to seven nights a week. During my heyday with the association, this
was two to three nights per week more than anywhere else in the whole state. As
I tell this now sadly, I don’t have any of the association’s statistics, as my involvement
has diminished to almost nil. Sigh.
In my heyday my pub trivia team had been one of the top
teams in the circuit; we’d won the citywide tournament three times out of the
last five. There were enough trivia lovers in town that we were all able to
rent a bus to drive to Boise and represent Twin Falls in the state
championships; even though only the city champs were the only ones that
actually needed to go to Boise, everyone
else still came along anyway just for the fun of it. Our dream was to go to the
national pub trivia championships in America’s pub trivia capital, Salt Lake
City. Although nationally, drinking as an activity is on a steady increase,
sadly, trivia is not. It seems there just isn’t the enthusiasm there once was,
and so the bus trip to Salt Lake has never happened.
You might wonder, why didn’t we drive ourselves? As the
majority of our pastime was spent consuming large quantities of alcoholic
beverages we’d never had a member in any condition to drive. The Idaho bar
association condones only the most responsible, sober driving habits.
Why didn’t we take the Greyhound? For similar reasons. We’re
drinkers, not criminals. Many of our members were uncomfortable simply breaking
Greyhound’s NO DRINKING ONBOARD rule, and since going without a drink for the
duration of the trip would have been an impossibility, so too was the Greyhound
option.
Why didn’t we just fly? Well, here in Idaho we don’t believe
in flying.
Listen to me going on about the association as if I were
still a member. Those were the days.
If I’m making it seem that the addition of trivia as a
pastime was a negative one, I’m not intending to. I mean, yelling was fun for a
while, but trivia brought a real educational element to our activity. It was
just the dynamic force we needed in the community during a dark time to rejuvenate
the image of our craft. We really wanted to attract some younger people.
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